I have wanted to write a book since I was a teen. That morphed into wanting to write a memoir since around 1995. Memoirs are my favorite books to read. I especially love Augusten Burroughs and enjoy David Sedaris. When I grow up, I want to write like Augusten Burroughs.
I’ve struggled with the thought of writing a memoir because some of the worst books I have read are also memoirs. I didn’t want to fall into the trap of writing one to indulge some narcissistic need or project an idealized/sanitized or inaccurately dramatized narrative about my life. I also didn’t want to write one as an attempt to use outward processing as a substitute for therapy.
Although, unprocessed dysfunction can be illuminating and entertaining (i.e. Augusten’s “Running With Scissors“). I hate to admit it, but kind of strange people write some of my favorite memoirs. That’s because I think we must be long lost cousins or something. Birds of a feather tell freaked out stories together. So, I take that back. We should write before during, and after therapy.
Yes, I just outwardly processed through writing. See my dilemma?
Also, did you notice that the first sentence of this post says I have wanted to write a memoir since 1995? That’s TWENTY ONE years and two different versions of me, ago. I think it has finally dawned on me (at the age of 48) that pulling this all together in a book is just not the way a “memoir” is going to happen for me. The title of this post is “The 1,980,767th Rewrite” because it feels like that is how many times I have started and restarted and restarted… started over, restarted … you get the point.
Maybe telling my freaked out stories aren’t supposed to happen that way. So, I am going to blog it all out!
I love blogging and will take these almost 70,000 brain dumped words (so far) and start making them into blog posts. Maybe down the pike when this is all parceled out, chopped, cleaned up, blogged, expanded, finished, perhaps then some posts might be good enough to compile into a book. But, not going to worry about that at the moment.
So, here we go 🙂
In my next “memoir” post, I will cover the following questions I got from a friend when I first came back out in January of 2015. She asked:
Randy, how in the heck did you go from being out and gay?… to Christian right-wing ex-gay poster boy EVP of Exodus?… to helping shut all that mess down, and now back to being out and gay…and still a Christian?
At first I just laughed and thought those are some pretty simple and direct questions that I will be hard pressed to answer simply and directly. But, I do know the answers, and the next memoir post will be an overview of that journey.
Thanks for reading!
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