It is hard to believe I haven’t written original content on this blog since May of 2018. That’s like 19 months ago. At the turn of the year, in this seasonal time of reflection and goal setting, we are changing that today.
Blogging (writing) has always been a source of creative release and joy since blogging was ever a “thing.” It’s interesting looking back at past writing, even 19 months ago, and seeing how much is different today.
To start, I celebrated five years out of the stained glass closet three days ago on Facebook:
Part of my gay birthday and for 2020, I have determined to emphasize and embrace/revive sources that bring personal joy. Two of which, I am going to revive this blog and embrace my love for painting even more. And of course, life-giving and authentic relationships will be an emphasis (when are they not?).
One source of joy for my life I feel I may need to fight for tenaciously is my spiritual walk. I have not focussed on that part of life much lately.
I was getting the nerve to go back to church when I met a local Reverend who was liberal and affirming. We had just become friends to the point of me wanting to meet with him to discuss faith. Then, one day I saw his name plastered in the local news as being a sexual predator. He had groomed and abused a local woman when she was a teen. He was arrested and soon after committed suicide. After his death, his family confessed they believed the woman who was bringing charges against him. I barely knew him but was crushed; crushed because of the circumstances and my hopes crushed by thinking that might have been a good spiritual friendship.
I love the church. I love the people in the church. However, I refuse to play games, will not stand for hypocrisy, or any variation of “we love you but…” behavioral modification or relational manipulation. That mentality breeds all manner of ill that leads to evil instead of the Fruit of the Spirit.
One thing has not changed, I love Jesus, and Jesus loves me. He is the Universe’s path for me. Because of Christ, I have met God in the Sunlight. I have met Her in my tears, passion, the courage to raise my voice, and gleaning from Her wisdom. I have met Him in confronting opponents as Christ would, and taking on my demons and character flaws as She directs. My Creator has been transformative in every single aspect of my relational and personal life since before I knew I was in a relationship with Them. I have met Them in the Mystery of what it means to bear the Image of God; to know and be known, to love and be loved. I can’t deny my experiences with the Divine, and I don’t want to.
Yes, I did refer to God as Her, Him, and Them in one paragraph. My view of spirituality and faith has dramatically expanded and is no longer limited, exclusive, or rooted in either/or mentality. Because of my spiritual journey, it is simply not possible to not have “faith.” Yet, I don’t believe any longer in having to belong to any single religion or show up to “fake it until you make it” in a routine cultural expectation. My faith is what it is, whether others accept and approve of it or not.
I have a tenacious hold on my faith because to not do so would be a denial of an authentic part of myself. And, We are not into that type of living anymore.
Merry 2020, y’all. 🙂