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Finding My Way…

Today I was driving down a four lane road. It was wide but in a residential area. There were many cross and side streets. I eventually came up behind a very slow moving, beautiful, black Cadillac Escalade.

I am not horrible, but I am kind of terrible when it comes to being an impatient Florida driver. I thought to myself, “Ugh! Nice car, but WHY are they going SO slow?” And, immediately this thought popped into my head, “They are simply trying to find their way. Don’t get frustrated with someone who is just trying to find their way.”

My Guardian Angel deserves a bonus for that reminder. Thanks G-Angel!

This year has been awesome and many outward examples of life changing directions have appeared. The undercurrents had been shifting for a while, but outwardly, it seems like a lot has happened in 2015. This summer though, I have pulled back, put the brakes on, am watching the signs … trying to navigate safely …

In other words, like the beautiful Escalade land-barge this morning, I have slowed down to simply find my way.

Some have asked why I am not speaking more about religious stigmatization of gay people; share my thoughts on  how to embrace or transition into an affirming view that brings congruence to our faith and sexuality. Others have asked if I am going to get involved in cultural and social policy issues from this perspective since those were passions of mine in the past. Surprisingly, I have had a few asking me for relationship advice regarding their partners and family. I am honored and humbled by these heartfelt messages.

I have looked at and brushed up against these topics. But, like that slow moving car trying to find its way to a new destination… I haven’t felt comfortable going a “normal” speed and taking turns without being positive it is the right turn to take. My process has been years in the making but living openly as a gay man really just started anew in January after 23 years in the church closet. At the time of this writing that is one week shy of 9 months ago. That’s not a long time.

Back in my previous job I used to advise/warn people to never talk past what they actually know. To never assume they have wisdom simply because they know the talking points. Knowledge and experience does not equate to wisdom no matter how emotional or declarative you get. Knowledge and experience can be wonderful; but the everyday application of knowledge within our experiences only provides an opportunity for wisdom. Wisdom is never guarenteed or easily grasped.

A rare few listened to me, including me 🙂

Granted, I am 47 years old. Not everything over the past few decades was rubbish. I have picked up a lot of knowledge and experience over the years. I don’t think it would be right to say I have definitely obtained wisdom, but hopefully I have a little bit. Currently I feel like I still need to simply live in and gain more knowledge/experience regarding open “gay” life and community. I want to spend time in prayer and seeking wise counsel before I would ever try to speak more often or loudly on any particular aspect of what it means to be gay and Christian in today’s world.

I don’t want to talk past what I know. I’m not interested in floating on talking points. I want to swim in authenticity.

Right now, my “work” energy is in online content and social media management (which I love to do.) My priorities are my faith, my relationship and being in love with a beautiful (in every way) man, my new-ish career, cherishing and nurturing old friendships and developing new life-giving ones.

That’s it, that’s enough. Revolutionizing the church and world will have to wait :::laugh:::

So, for those that think I should be going a particular speed or get to my destinations/turns quicker … please be patient…it’s a freakin’ Escalade yo’! You would go slow in this thing too!

#ShinyThingsDistractMe

Please be patient with me. I am trying to find my way.

Graphic Credit: it’s actually on the graphic but it came from SweatPantsAndCoffee.com

Published inLGBT+ Christ Follower

6 Comments

  1. Carl Willis Carl Willis

    This is why I’ve liked you since the very first time I read an article you wrote for Exodus. You’ve always been honest and and shared from the heart. You’re a great guy and I always feel encouraged and uplifted by your “drivel” (by the way, the guy that made that comment is, in my opinion and I’m sure the opinion of the American Psychiatic Community, officially Bat Crap Crazy. I’m pretty sure that’s the medical terminology. Just Sayin’.) Keep on driveling, Baby!

    • Randy Randy

      Thank you very much! I appreciate it and thank you for reading my drivel :). If anyone is reading this comment and not catching the reference, someone on Twitter said my blog was basically narcissistic drivel.

      Anyway, thanks again Carl. I am grateful for your friendship.

  2. LOVE this blog post and LOVE you, Randy! You bless me so much!

    • Randy Randy

      You are very nice :). Love you too and you bless me very much.

  3. Alison Ruth Defrese Alison Ruth Defrese

    As the Mom of a gay man, I am also “finding my way”. Join the club!

    • Randy Randy

      Got the membership card…still waiting on the t-shirt though 🙂

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