Found out through a link to my blog (stats tracker) that I have been blocked by the Christian accountability service Covenant Eyes. I used to promote them through Exodus :). I also found out that another “leader” in the ex-gay/conversion ministry world has blocked me on Twitter. Add these to a pretty long list of online snubs and curses and apparently, I have quite a track record with people feeling the need to block me.
And then it hit me… why am I all riled up about that? Why do I even know this? Why do I care? Because if I keep checking them and their friends out online, obviously there is “something” drawing me to read them and get riled up about it.
That’s when it hit me, they still have me on the hook. I took the bait in the past and keep taking it today.
Meaning, even though I am apparently a liberal progressive apostate now, the ex-gay/conversion ministry world still has some power over my thinking and how my attention is being directed. As much as I say I am not influenced any more by what they believe and think, here I am checking out their online musings. Not in agreement of course, just out of wanting to get riled up, a negative form of entertainment, or something. As if that will make a difference? … as if I don’t know, already, what they think and will say on just about any LGBTQ+ subject? They do not inspire me. Regularly checking their posts only reopens old, or creates new, wounds. Following them online is energizing but it is a negative energy and a wounding pain (not a healing type of pain in any way.) Completely futile; a waste of time… so why am I even the slightest bit of interested in their thoughts?
The truth is, it doesn’t matter. It’s not healthy for me to invest this time and attention on them. Unlike a fish that is caught on a fisherman’s hook, I have the ability to take myself off the hook, and will.
Today, in my quiet time and meditation, I will name each “hook,’ renounce its source and take back that power (time and attention) and redirect it toward doing good for others. I am not trying to be a hyper-spiritual weirdo about it. While I personally believe there is a spiritual energy involved with that type of meditation and personal inventory, I am doing it more because it is a specific and intentional way to take back personal power. This exercise will clarify and re-center my focus. This then will help me realize and direct positive energy and power toward life-giving priorities.
I have no doubt I am not the only one needing to pull out the hooks of a wounded past. If you can relate I hope you will join me in freeing yourself today.