Since coming out, some folks refuse to believe I am a healthy Christian and have lots of questions. I don’t answer each time because the context is usually full of argumentative landmines. That said, some of the questions are good ones in their own right. Here are a few:
How often do you read the Word of God?
I have read it more than the millions of Christians over time that will never have the current canon of scripture. I have read it less than those Christians who believe the Bible is the fourth person of the Trinity. The true test isn’t how often you read the Bible as it is today. The true test is if Jesus, the incarnated Word of God is truly alive and enough to lead us through our journey. Many without the Bible will encounter Christ’s Spirit and/or hear of Him and be just as saved as we are.
That said, over the past 26 years I have read the protestant Bible from cover to cover more than a few times; other parts of it at least hundreds of times (especially Jesus’ teachings). I still draw Light, Life, and spiritual energy/nourishment from the Spirit and His teachings through the scriptures. Plus, he isn’t limited to a printing press. Our Creator manifests in the world around us all the time. One way or another, I experience the Word of God every day.
Are you praying regularly?
Of course. Prayer is an opportunity to learn and it keeps me centered. I also believe in the positive energy and insight it generates. But, I don’t wear it on my sleeve or walk around acting like I glow like Moses. However, while scheduling prayer and being in a particular position to pray works for some people, it does not for me. I am more apt to pray while ironing, driving to work or sitting on the balcony while the breeze hits my face. Prayer is a natural part of life for me, nothing to be glorified in and of itself. Some Christians try to turn it into some weird mumbo-jumbo supernatural freak-fest or a joyless ritual; no thanks. It’s a part of life and simply is what it is, life-giving.
Being gay, do you miss the closeness to Christ and His gifts flowing through you? (yes, I have been asked that before.)
No. I don’t miss that because I still have spiritual intimacy with Christ and experience His gifts daily. Again, I just don’t parade it around like some who choose to think that somehow the New Covenant is best represented by self-stylizing as an Old Testament Prophet. It’s even more amazing how amplified, natural, and unfiltered this part of my journey has become. It’s simply beautiful watching the life and gift of the Spirit unfold without being confined to a “brand” of ministry or feeling the need to “inform” others about what “God said to/showed me…” today.
Do you go to Church?
I avoided it for the first couple of years since coming out because it was just too difficult and I felt like I was only going through the motions. Now I go whenever I can. I actually work a 10 hour shift on Sunday’s (10am to 9pm) so I can’t go to regular church services. That said, the community I have the joy to experience now is life-giving and I have found that while church is important, The Body of Christ lives in hearts, not behind four walls. My “spiritual” community also includes those who don’t follow Christ. God’s not limited to those who know all the same talking points we do.
What is Christ “convicting” you of nowadays?
“Convicting” is a legal term of being found guilty of breaking a law. I don’t live under the law but under Christ’s finished worked so it doesn’t apply. That said, in cultural Christianity what is really being asked is, “How is God convincing you to change your behavior and thinking from unhealthy to healthy (basically to repent)?
Recently, I feel the Lord has been teaching me a lot about what I am putting out into the universe and the types and ways I expend energy. I also believe I am learning a lot about how anger (a legit emotion) is best expressed, but malice toward any one person is unhealthy and counter-productive. For example, Jesus had incredibly harsh things to say about the spiritual leaders of Israel, but I don’t believe for a second He ever had malice in His heart toward them.
Lately, I recognize malice in my heart toward some of my former friends who are still ex-gay ministry leaders. It’s one thing to oppose the abuse they are perpetuating, strongly. However, it’s unhealthy and hurtful to allow malice to set up residence alongside that legitimate anger. Two wrongs don’t make a right but that doesn’t mean opposing the first wrong isn’t necessary.
Jesus said to love and pray for your enemy, not ridicule them and call them an ass. At this point I don’t feel bad for calling them an ass but … pretty sure it isn’t Jesus approved. 😉
For those interested in where I am at on the topics above there you go. If you have other questions feel free to leave a comment or message me privately.
You are loved,