Delighted To Be In “Our” Home

After writing this post, when I saw the date, I realized that it was 15 years ago today that I joined the Exodus International staff. It was my first day working at the Exodus headquarters. Makes the context of this post even more poignant.

Sitting here writing this post while The WonderAutumn is watching “Inside Out” and The WonderDan is running an errand to the Home Depot. Autumn, is also on the couch drinking/eating her applesauce through a straw. The straw method is her preferred way to consume applesauce… OH the many things I am learning about ten-year-olds now that I share a roof with one!

I am writing this at our dining room table. Looking to the right, past Applesauce Autumn, and out the beautiful living room windows, the mailman just dropped off the mail. It’s SO picturesque with beautiful sunshine lighting up a gorgeous hot pink bougainvillea and a massive stately Live Oak tree standing guard over the neighborhood behind him.

Even Hubert the Handsome Humble Hybrid seems to be radiating contentment. As I sit here with screaming cartoon characters narrowly escaping a train wreck (in the movie), I thank God.

I think God for the love I feel toward Dan and Autumn. I thank Him for the love they give me. I thank Him for making a way for us to be in this super cute and comfortable house. I thank Him for the food in the fridge, my new job, new/old friends, new community…

… and that Dan and I’s furniture actually match…perfectly. :::laugh:::

That last one isn’t actually a part of my thankful prayer but come on, combining two gay dudes homes and have the furniture perfectly match is kind of miraculous.

This new season in life is incredibly challenging in some respects. I spent so much of my life thinking I was going to be “celibate.” I realize now I used that as an excuse to hide and not have to share my heart with another in essentially deep/selfless ways. I feared allowing another to love me in essentially deep/selfless ways. The version of legalistic Christianity I was a part of (past tense) was great at appearing to be transparent. But, in reality, we simply used spiritual sounding words and trite cliches to pat each other on the back for our “vulnerability” while never actually being vulnerable.

This new season is exposing many issues I had no idea I had walled off; that’s a good thing.

While Dan and I are simply enjoying each other and our relationship for now (not rushing anything) it’s a depth of relationship and home environment that only existed in dreams for me; something I never thought I could actually have. I believe the titles of Husband and “Step-Parent” being earned so I don’t assume either of those titles at this point in our relationship. I enjoy and love where we are.

As I wrap up this post with a giggling little girl on the couch, crazy cartoon characters on the screen, and Dan unloading his car with all the errand loot he gathered, my eyes light up with delight. My soul is at rest.

It’s good to be free…

A Surprise Liberation – New Job, New Home, New Town… Oh my! (Life Update)

Photo: Dan (in white) talking lawn stuff with our new landlord.

My last blog post was exactly one month ago today. And… everything is different now. Well, almost everything. Something remarkable has happened; a surprise liberation.

I am still The SuperGay. Still dating and in love with Dan. Still can’t seem to put the word “President” directly in front of the word “Trump.” Still love chips & queso and still think the new song “Passionfruit” by Drake is possibly the worst song ever made.

Like, the most awfulest song ever.

For a while now I have been struggling with the idea of being an LGBTQ advocate full time or just having a fulfilling job that has nothing to do with anything advocacy or non-profit related. Lately, there has been a huge desire for the latter. I felt very conflicted about that because I had not imagined life outside of some sort of advocacy/non-profit work for almost three decades. Yet, I kept being drawn to that idea.

Plus, I also remembered a dream I had as a teen. You know how sometimes kids will dream about their wedding days? At 13, I dreamed about being married to one of the Duke brothers (either Bo or Luke would have been fine :).) We would be successful, have a ranch style home, a Siberian Huskey, a Pomeranian, twin Honda Accords (now it would be Teslas), and hold each other’s hands as we grew old rocking in the rocking chairs on the back porch. For a while now I have been yearning for that dream again, to have a nice job, a husband…a family.

So, I really began testing the waters of assertively looking for a new full-time job. In relatively short order, I was hired for very nice management position at a Medical Spa! I have been there for three weeks and love it. It’s quite challenging and fulfilling. It is 50 miles (one way) from where I currently live so after talking with Dan, we are going to move in together in three weeks! The new abode is a CUTE remodeled house in Mount Dora. Mount Dora is halfway between here and my new job. We have to stay close to this area because of Dan’s daughter… who will also be living with us during the times he has her (half time). SO excited and she is thrilled about the move, too.

We don’t have any dogs (fur-kids) but guess what Dan does have for the back porch? Rocking chairs! #HappaRanda.

No, we are not engaged…but this is a pretty huge step. One I am very glad to be making with him; incredibly grateful for his love, and support. I have never lived with a “partner” and his daughter before! But, moving there without them never entered my mind as a possibility. My home won’t be a home without it being *our* home.

About that whole advocacy thing, I still plan on helping as much as I can with the local HRC Steering committee, Daniel Karslake’s documentary “For They Know Not What They Do,” and with Kristine Stolakis’ documentary. Plus, blogging and whatever else I can do to help end religious stigma and be an encouragement to others seeking a way out of the ex-gay/conversion ministry world. Our current environment mixed with ancient religious stigma almost requires good people to stand up, lock arms, resist, and fight back.

Plus, being a loudmouth is something I can’t seem to not do from time to time :).

The realignment of focus and priorities over the past month fell into place so easily, and quickly, it feels like another mountain has fallen off my shoulders. I believe this is the life I am supposed to lead and not an idealized one I am trying to create (of any sort.) Plus, I’ve got Dan and rocking chairs… I can live without the twin Teslas (for now.) 🙂

And as I head into my 49th birthday week, this may be one of the happiest times of my life.