Common + Unity = Community

I am directionally challenged so when Divine choreography (my friend Daniel Karslake’s description) happens, it really gets my attention.

For a while now I have been semi-quietly working on developing a new non-profit organization. I have pulled together a proposal and pitched it to a few people and all of a sudden in the past few weeks everything appears to be falling in place; a donated office and phone line, pledges of support and a myriad of action steps and resource development pouring out of my heart and spirit. It’s been an exhilarating process and I am enjoying watching it all manifest.

That said, this is my first day coming to Orlando (where the new office will be located) to get a PO Box and work on more development issues for the organization itself. Plus, it was fun to commute to “work” with Dan (he works here a few days a week.) I wore my HRC “We are Orlando” t-shirt made for the Pulse One Year Memorial service. I wore it because remembering and honoring the 49 while pulling together a non-profit seeking to end religious stigma against LGBT+ people, and live a full life beyond it, seems appropriate. It might sound weird to some but today I wanted to wear a powerful and personal reminder that we need every champion for love we can find.

I dropped Dan off at his work and hung out at Starbucks this morning. Then we had lunch and I needed a change of scenery. I asked Siri to find the closest Dunkin Donuts and, again, being directionally challenged, I was very surprised to end up at the Dunkin across the street from Pulse. I didn’t burst into tears in the parking lot but I was very emotional thinking of the synchronicity of the moment. It wasn’t planned, at all. Divine choreography.

As I typed the above paragraph a lone businessman in grey slacks, nice blue long sleeve dress shirt, modern haircut, and stylish sunglasses walked up to the memorial fence. He took a single photo of one area. The way he adjusted his glasses and wiped his eyes made me think he was weeping. Looking on, I wept with him.

It’s hard to describe the passion I am feeling right now. The passion for my community, for individuals, for the church, for the culture, for the generations, for the right to thrive in full equality with the dignity afforded to every soul that draws breath… I could go on and on; yes, feeling quite stirred up is an apt description of the moment.

My mind has been running 900 mph for a few weeks now imagining the “what ifs” and “what could be” of the new organization. Apparently, my heart needed my mind to be quiet and simply Listen for a moment. What I hear is a loving Creator issuing an important reminder to stand firm in a love and grace, to be bold and clear, and to resist hate with truth and life-giving resources.

So, that’s what I plan to do. More details on this new project will be coming very soon.

Being free is good,

When it comes to the LGBT+ crowd, the “B’s” don’t get equal attention. There is a lot of myth and bias against bisexual people. It’s worth your attention and time to learn about how being Bi is something we should affirm and celebrate as a form of human expression and love. This post contains a few thoughts I have from my own experience and some concerns about how Bi people are particularly vulnerable to ex-gay theology and religious stigma. Being Bi is a gift, and I am very grateful for every single “B” in the LGBT+ community! I hope you find this post encouraging.

I have never been officially “tested,” but after 49 years of sometimes obsessive introspection, I am somewhere on the Kinsey sexuality spectrum near the number 5 “Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual.”

For example, I came out of my self-imposed celibacy twice during my ex-gay days. I dated a woman in 1997 and another in 2006 and loved them both, especially the latter. Our relationship was genuine, and I was attracted to her in every way. Did I have crushes on other guys while we dated? Yes. Is what I had with her the same as what I have with Dan today? No, not even close. But again, our relationship was genuine, honest, and real.

Of course, I am very glad we did not progress on toward marriage. I know now that while what we had was very sweet, it wouldn’t have lasted. Well, obviously, because it didn’t last. Today it’s crystal clear that I am created to be in a relationship with a man. I will always love, support and encourage her though; nothing but respect. I am a better person for having dated her.

During my ex-gay days, oddly enough, I created the space to question and explore my attractions. Among many issues explored, I realized I never had any negative feelings toward woman’s sexuality. Growing up, while I was obsessed with Bo and Luke Duke, I did have a crush on Janet Jackson … until George Michael came along. However, in a world that stigmatizes being gay, I was told and believed that the fleeting attractions to women were “proof” of God’s original intent and should be cultivated. That any attraction to women was a sign of “change” and highly rewarded with affirmation and “atta’ boy!” type of attention. The myriad of crushes and attractions to men was to be condemned and considered “broken” and a core soul/spiritual “weakness.”

Nutshell: Same-sex attractions were met with attitudes of “deep prayerful concern” and shamed with descriptions like “inherently disordered” or “outright rebellion” and going-to-hell-worthy sin impulses. However, share about having opposite-sex attractions and be rewarded with great big smiles and “Hallelujah for embracing your heterosexual potential!”

I firmly believe that most people who are ensnared by ex-gay organizations and stay there a long time are somewhere in the bisexual area of the spectrum. Even the slightest hint of opposite-sex attraction is a powerful hook into thinking what these organizations offer in the name of “healing” is true. It breaks my heart that Bisexual people are literally being ripped in two with the toxic messaging these groups produce.

So during Bisexual Awareness week, my love and thoughts are with all the Bi folk out there who are often misunderstood, mischaracterized and don’t often feel accepted by their own community. My thoughts and love are especially with those who remain ensnared in ex-gay theology and stigmatizing religion because they do experience a measure of opposite sex attraction. It’s nuanced but what a powerful shackle to keep Bi people enslaved to stigmatized views of who they are.

If you are Bi, you are a gift. You are a treasure. As a Christ Follower, I believe you have been given a special gift to love beauty in a way that manifests through how you know and are known by others; how you love and are loved by others. We know who you are drawn to is not based on one attraction being better than another, it’s based on who our Creator is drawing you toward.

Don’t fear who you are, God doesn’t. Enjoy the gift you have been given.

Being Free is Good,

P.S. Follow Eliel Cruz on Twitter to learn more about #BiWeek, learn of his own journey and the various resources he recommends.

Yesterday I watched the complete solar eclipse coverage from coast to coast on CNN. As millions of people exclaimed with wonder and joy witnessing the spectacular celestial alignment, I couldn’t help but feel goosebumps.

It was a delight watching grown adults turn into literal star-struck children; tumbling over their words with half sentences and excited exclamations. I got emotional thinking that we, as Americans, needed an event like this. A moment of collective joy where we sat in wonder at the glory of nature, the universe, and our place in it.

Before the eclipse, there were a few conservative Christian leaders saying that the eclipse could be a judgment of God against the United States (here and here). That we should see this naturally occurring, entirely predictable, amazingly awesome moment as a dire warning of God’s anger and wrath being poured out on the United States.

Why is it that some brothers and sisters in Christ always see the possibility of a significant collective experience as only being a portent of evil and/or wicked? Is it negative attention seeking? Paranoia? Psychological “transference” onto others the anxiety of some personal issue?

I don’t know about those negative Christian leaders, but I do know it can be so tempting to be energized by bad news. Expecting the worst gave me something or someone else to worry about, instead of focusing on my own issues and anxieties. It is also a lazy way to get the adrenaline pumping. That’s not wisdom or a healthy way to operate in the world. It’s discouraging and could lead to “bearing false witness” which is also very unhealthy.

From my limited perspective, God blessed our nation and people with a collective joyful experience. The eclipse brought a blessing, not a curse. Wouldn’t it be great that when we think about the larger picture, we would assume the best and intentionally look for blessings and not lazily expect curses?

When I remember the eclipse of 8/21/2017, I will remember how the afternoon light got really weird. I remember the joy of hearing the kids having fun at the elementary school around the corner, excited adults acting like children on television, talking to Dan, and watching Anderson Cooper actually smile with joy for the first time in a long time while reporting the news. I will also remember saying a prayer of thanks to our Creator for this moment of joy literally sweeping across our country.

It was a great day and beautiful moment.

The other day I was having a discussion with a friend about how LGBTQ+ people are deeply concerned about the political climate in America and how it will affect us now and in the quickly approaching future. What Roy Moore just said is a perfect example, a flashpoint, of why this is a dangerous time for our community. Here are some quotes from The Guardian article, “‘Maybe Putin is right’: Republican Senate frontrunner (Roy Moore) on Russian leader.”

In an interview with the Guardian’s Anywhere But Washington series, Moore also said that Ronald Reagan’s famous declaration about the Soviet Union being “the focus of evil in the modern world” might today be applied to the US.

“You could say that about America, couldn’t you?” he said. “We promote a lot of bad things.” Asked for an example, he replied: “Same-sex marriage.”

When it was pointed out to Moore that his arguments on gay rights and morality were the same as those of the Russian leader, he replied: “Well, maybe Putin is right.” He added: “Maybe he’s more akin to me than I know.”

…

Moore, who was forced from his job as chief justice after the Ten Commandments controversy in 2003, was later re-elected to serve as chief justice. His second stint as Alabama’s most senior judge also ended in controversy, after he was suspended in 2016 for refusing to obey the supreme court’s ruling on same sex marriage.

…

In his interview with the Guardian, Moore repeated his belief that Trump was put in the White House by God. “Everybody else thinks it’s the Russians,” he said. “I think it was the providential hand of God.”

For some context, the Russian “gay propaganda” law was passed in June of 2013. Since then, violence, kidnappings, and murder against LGBTQ+ people in Russia dramatically increased. They say the bill is to “protect children” Which is hogwash. The bill was meant to threaten and intimidate LGBTQ+ people into silence and appeal to social conservatives and religious activists. Because of this law and the oppressive systemic homophobia that produced it,  our brothers and sisters in Russia literally face the threat of death.

This is the public policy/leadership induced anti-lgbtq climate Roy Moore feels akin too.

In the late ’80’s I was violently attacked by two homophobic men. If it weren’t for two lesbians coming to my rescue, I am not sure what would have happened. The first time I was out in the ’80’s and early ’90’s I had guns pulled on me as I left gay bars. While not nearly as bad as decades before, I do know what it is like to live with a pervasive sense of fear outside our little gay safe havens. The LGBTQ+ community has come a very long way in 30 years, but there are plenty of people like Roy Moore who believe that stigmatizing my core relational sense of being is ok. They believe it is more than appropriate to disenfranchise us from the public and political realms because of who we love. They demonize (literally) my relationship with my partner, our future, and feel like it is ok to describe our relationship and family as a force of evil in the world.

And these addicted to power evangelicals are the people in power, bending the ear of the President, right now.

Roy Moore and evangelicals like him won’t be the ones who round us up for jail or worse, but they will create an environment I had experienced before, where I was sitting bleeding into the snow being comforted by my roommate and two lesbians while the police took my attackers word saying I had “hit on them” romantically (not true.) The police then laughed at me saying “I deserved it (the beating).” When you stigmatize, demonize, and disenfranchise, evil is the result.

When you stigmatize, demonize, and disenfranchise, evil is the result. When you prioritize political power and idolize government over loving your neighbor as yourself, evil is the result.

We cannot and will not let Roy Moore help usher in the environment where LGBTQ+ people have to live in silence and fear. I pray that good hearted people of Alabama will not elect him to the Senate and that we start right now with plans to overhaul Capital Hill in 2018.

Please also continue to support, love, and pray for our LGBTQ+ brothers and sisters in Russia.

Hat tip: Eva Kendrick and Photo Credit to NPR.

Would you agree that there are a LOT of Christians out there “should-ing” all over other Christians? “You should do this… Maybe you should do that… What should happen is… A True Believer should hold this belief/position/moral position…” and on and on. Many times after hearing from them directly or reading other Christian’s posts along these lines, I am tempted to be discouraged. But then I remember a very relevant phrase from the lexicon of “90’s” support group cliches. I wish I could put up a big red neon blinking sign saying, “Stop ‘should-ing’ on me.”

In today’s climate, one tends to think that it’s the conservative branch of Christianity “should-ing” all over everyone else. I mean come on, they have been really good at it for decades now. But, it’s not limited to that branch in the Church. I see progressive Christians doing the same all the time. There are a couple of progressive Christian blogs that get incredibly large amounts of traffic for basically ranting against their conservative Christian siblings. Apparently, regardless of flavor, it’s popular for Christians to tell each other what they should do and how it should be done.

Of course, there are times to call out injustice, bullying, arrogance, and issues that oppress, alienate and disenfranchise. However, I believe it’s time to personally #RESIST the lazy nature of ranting and trying to impose “shoulda, coulda, woulda…” Christianity on others (regardless of whatever perspective we are coming from.)

Yes, I am saying ranting is lazy. Just an opinion :).

I confess I can be pretty should-y myself. I am not afraid to own that; you know, strong personality and whatever. I’mma do me; you do you, Boo. However, I commit to resisting the temptation to “should” on people. I want to work out my own faith by actually living out what I believe in both public and private. I want to compel with reason, motivate through inspiration … not seek to manipulate the like-minded with anger or disparage opponents (or even enemies) with scorn and shame.

Maybe you can relate.